The ability to retain information in our minds for long periods of time is both a boon and a curse. Sometimes a memory from the past can come back and ruin our present.
A bullying incident in the third grade before you changed schools, a bitter fight with your close friend before the year end, the time you were too mean, how you felt when someone hurt you too much…
But whats done is done, whats gone is gone. You’ve been through the hurt, tears and suffering more than once already when the memory was created…there is no longer any need to prolong it.
A friend of mine, lets call her Anne, loved her boyfriend very much, but after a bitter breakup, she kept blaming herself, dwelling on the relationship she could not save. He refused to patch things up and quickly moved on with another girl. But my friend could not. She became depressed and cried every time she heard his name or something related to him.
It was only when she saw how happy he was on a social networking site, that she realized how she had been hurting for so long.
After finally accepting that there was nothing she could do to salvage the relationship, she decided to close out that chapter from her life and tried her best to forget. It was difficult, and she had to rely on her close friends and family for support. But eventually, she was able to put the memories behind her. She got rid of pictures, gifts and messages that linked her to him, and started afresh.
“He’s the reason I am strong today.” she said. “I’ll remember the lesson, but I’ll forget the hurt.”
Closing out memories from one’s mind is a difficult thing to do. Our subconscious is always aware of things we push to the back our mind. An inexplicable feeling of discomfort arises, sometimes that of guilt, shame, pain and the desire to start over whenever we see or hear something that reminds us of a painful memory. It is advisable to visit a psychiatrist if trauma from the past continuously haunts us.
It is, vital to be able to forget things that do not matter anymore. We all make mistakes, and sometimes the guilt lingers on. It is important to learn to let go of memories and incidents that are no longer relevant in our life. It keeps us from enjoying our present, tugging at our buoyant spirits on a clear sunny day and making us feel like a soggy newspaper in the rain.
No one in the world has a clean slate, everyone has something they regret, something that had made them experience pain in the past. The past should not be allowed to define us.
We are alive now. My life is happening now.
What happened before is not going on now, so our minds should not reside there.
If a bad habit has been got rid of and a reformed life has been started there is no reason to demotivate ourselves by thinking about the times when we still indulged in it. Don’t miss out on the life you are living now.
Nothing can change the past, but the present and future is in our hands.
So go out and enjoy yourself. Meet new people, change your friend circle if they do not support you, it is often better to have fewer people around you than too many who can hurt you. Do whatever makes you happy and never let your past bring you down.
You are you because of what happened to you. You can be all that you aspire to be. Your dreams, hard work and dedication still remains despite what you have in your conscious.
Here’s a tiny list of things you can do:
- Think happy thoughts.
- Be near positive people. Judgemental friends are not friends.
- Meet a therapist to discuss your issues, if necessary.
- Pursue your dreams. Believe in yourself.
- Don’t second guess yourself. You are enough.
- Exercise and eat healthy. Physical wellness is important too.
- Go out more. Enjoy a nature walk or go swimming.
- Pursue a hobby. Try to keep busy.
- Clear your mind and recall happier memories.
After all life is made up of both happiness and sadness. It is inevitable that we live an unscathed life. But we have the option of dispelling the sadness, by trying to simply forget about it whenever possible.
It hurts, yes. It’s hard, yes. But is it worth the effort?
Anne is getting married to a wonderful man, who loves her as much as she loves him, next week. It’s been a couple of years since her breakup.
It sure is.
Thanks for reading 🙂