First Jobs and Other Uncertainties

Imagine that you are walking on a tightrope, careful not to tip over. You don’t look down, you walk straight. You’re doing well, trying really hard. You might make it.

You’re halfway through by now, and you know you got this.

But then the wind blows, the sun shines, it starts to rain, hell it even snows. You lose your balance, and fall. All the way down.

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When I started my first job, reality hit me like a ton of bricks. It seemed to me that all of a sudden, I was having to fight for things that so far had been taken for granted.

My boss never had any time for me. In fact, it seemed that hardly anyone could afford to say hi to me.

Very few of my seniors registered my presence, let alone attempted to speak to me. I was lonely in the new environment, and it ate away at me inside, leaving me to wonder why I felt so hollow.

I was trying hard to learn more and more at my job, struggling to be recognized, working day and night, hoping, just hoping someone would acknowledge me.

But it never happened.

I started to feel inadequate and out of sorts at the workplace. I didn’t realize then, how terribly self doubt was affecting me. I was struggling to find my place in the world, loathing my position in life and feeling like a mismatched piece in an otherwise perfect puzzle.

The tug of war between my emotions and day to day life was a close and intense battle.

My despair reached it’s breaking point when my boss finally said I was going to get fired next week. He said my dismal performance, despite all my efforts were insufficient.

I was numb. All those tears and nights spent questioning my self worth had eventually led to me losing my job.

The realization that I was better off without this particular job came to me later that day. I was going to get kicked out, but in hindsight it was probably a good thing because I was too scared to resign.

It’s remarkable, how our own psych can help build or break us. I relaxed and let myself breathe for the first time in weeks. I was no longer worried about deadlines or insecure about work assigned to me. It was obvious now, that the higher management clearly believed I was incapable of completing my tasks.

I don’t know what came over me, but that week, the one I thought was going to be my last, was the happiest I’d been in months.

It’s funny how things changed for me when I started to believe that there was an end to my sufferings. I gave my best at work that week, without putting any pressure on myself. Because really, what was the point of it all anymore?

Surprisingly, this approach worked.

I didn’t get fired at the end of the week. Or the week after that. Confused, I went to ask my bosses what was wrong. To my utter surprise they praised me and said they’d like me to stay.

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I’ve written in every feedback form ever requested of me, that companies really need to devote more time to motivate employees. Instead of tearing them apart because of their limitations they need to spend a significant part of the meeting acknowledging their efforts.

An unappreciated person can not perform well, and neither can an organization that encourages concentrating only on one’s flaws.

We need to be sympathatic, kind and professional at the same time. It is not impossible to take a moment to appreciate someone’s hard work, while being assertive about the changes expected.

Let us not push someone into feeling terrible about themselves. Instead let us strive to be more acknowledging and understanding of others.

Cheers! ☺

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Not Alone

Loneliness is not always avoidable. We all have days where socializing is difficult for us. Sometimes we feel safer encased in our solitude and sometimes, we just feel…alone.

Sometimes we have no choice but to be alone. Perhaps its the weekend and you have no one to spend it with, perhaps you are too shy in a new environment, feeling friendless after a fight, or seeking solitude after a setback. We all have to go though times when we feel like we don’t belong at a particular place.

The feeling of being isolated and solitary in the big wide world is unpleasant. No matter how independent we like to be, sometimes these thoughts creep up on us and leave us feeling inadequate.

It doesn’t have to be that way. 

You hear that?

It’s got a steady beat, a rhythm only you can feel, a reassuring thunder in your chest when everything else is uncertain. The sound crashes through the silence while the pulse keeps us alive.

Everyone has it, but not everyone listens and acknowledges it. You are alive, your heart is pumping you with not just blood, but with the promise of life and possibilities. With every beat, you need to know and believe that you are not on your own. Every cell in your body treats you as the center of their world. They exist simply because you do, and will follow you everywhere. Your mind and body are with you, ready to do your bidding, whenever you want them to.

So hold on to everything you are. You are your own team and captain. When circumstances require you to do things on your own, trust in yourself and know that you can handle it. You can, because you are complete in yourself.

It’s nice to have company, but it’s okay even if you always don’t.

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Cheers!  🙂

 

Comparisons

There are many things in this world that can cause us pain, but the worst of them all are the ones we inflict on ourselves.

It hurts infinitely more to tell yourself that you are unworthy, than to have someone else say it to your face. You can always prove others wrong, it will even give you a sense of satisfaction, but to prove yourself wrong? That is a different ball game altogether. But, thankfully, it is not a game you have to play.

Have you ever looked at a successful person and felt inadequate about yourself? I have many a times, found myself in awe of people, many of whom are younger than me. Thinking about my peers, who have already achieved their dreams, makes me wonder if I will ever be able to do the same.

A doubt starts to grow in my mind and the lingering notion that I will never realize my true potential arises. It keeps me from sleeping at night and makes me feel horribly insecure.

“I could have been that.”

“If only I’d done that five years ago, I might have been at a better place today.”

“Maybe I chose a wrong path.”

“Perhaps this is the best I can do with my abilities.”

“I’ll never be as good as them.”

and the worst of the lot:

“I need to transform myself to be more like them.”

 

Thoughts race through my head, making my own mind a haunted house. I cannot escape, and I cannot move on. I started to feel as though I was walking around with a dark haze over my head.

I stopped doing all the things that were quintessentially me and tried to embrace hobbies and lifestyles of the people I admired. It should have made me happy, it should have propelled me towards fulfilling my goals. But none of that happened.

Instead, I got pretty depressed for a while, stuck in a bubble of self loathing and insecurities about my destiny.

I was at an emotional low, but I agreed to meet a long time friend for lunch. She was very upset about the way her life had turned out. After listening to her, I found that my problems were minuscule compared to her own. Even though she was crying, she was strong because she was not hiding her emotions.

“Don’t give up. Life will get better, I promise. It may not be great right now, but it can definitely be in the future.” I said reassuringly, squeezing her hand.

My friend smiled at me and said surprisingly, “You always inspire me so much. Don’t change, okay?”

“I–I inspire you? I didn’t realize I could do that for anyone.” I blurted out, forgetting about the dark cloud over my head.

“Of course you do. No matter what, you are always yourself. I really like that.” she said with a laugh. “I think being happy in your own skin is wonderful. Even when everything around you sucks, at least when you look into a mirror, you’ll see something awesome.”

I went home that day with a spring in my steps. My friend was right.

I was all I had.

No one could possibly understand me the way I fathom myself. I would have to be my own ally, cheerleader and hero. It was unnecessary to compare my life to others and I didn’t need to mimic the people I admire. Instead, I decided that I will be my own hero, doing things my way.

I will not give up on my dreams, just because I haven’t achieved them at the same time as my peers.

As the saying goes: c9xlvmlxuaeygd3

Don’t compare yourself with anyone, whether they be better or worse off than you.

However, it is a good idea to do a comparison with your own self. Ask yourself:

Have I improved since last time?

Am I working hard enough to reach my goals?

Do I feel good about myself?

If yes, congratulations! If not, what are we lacking?

Analyze your progress and be truthful to yourself. There is no way your dream will evade you as long as you work towards it. Keep the faith, and keep smiling.

Lets not change who we are, but how we deal with comparisons.

Cheers!

Thanks for reading! Have a great day ahead. 🙂

An Unimposing Introvert

Have you also discovered that being soft spoken has more drawbacks than benefits?

The absence of a loud confident voice, and irregular participation in conversations makes for being labelled (no matter how incorrectly) —a person with little strength of character.

I have always been a quiet person, one who has several things to share, but is too shy to do so. It takes a while for me to open up around people I don’t know well. Like most introverts, I am preoccupied with my own thoughts and seldom feel left out even if I am not asked for my opinion. I am observant and highly imaginative, content in my own world.

But a few months ago, some of my classmates were planning a picnic.

“So it’s set then, the whole class will go on the twenty fifth.” said an extroverted young woman. “Everyone has agreed to pitch in a fifty dollars.”

Alerted, I joined the conversation, “I haven’t agreed. My team has a presentation on the twenty-fifth.”

The lady looked at me as though she didn’t even know I existed. And we’ve been seeing each other every day for three years now.

Well at least I had seen her.

“What?” she said looking flabbergasted. “Oh. I just assumed you would agree, you know, you never really say much anyway.”

I was stumped for words. Was I such an unimportant person that my views didn’t matter? I believed I was as much a part of my class as my other classmates.

I shook my head. “The 25th does not wor635631062252597205103151809_introvert-mindk for me.” I said.

“Fine, we can change the date. I’ll check with the others, is the twenty sixth okay?” she asked checking her notepad.

“Yes. That would be great, thanks.” I said smiling.

“Cool.” she said smiling. “I’ll let you know.”

I sighed with relief, thinking to myself…”Well that wasn’t so hard.”

I have to prove that I am worth my salt before people take me seriously. I realized then, that being comfortable in one’s own skin is not enough. You have to be able to assert that comfort in your public behaviour, in order to garner interest towards yourself.

Don’t get me wrong—-I love solitude and enjoy having time to myself…but it is often viewed as being antisocial. How can I explain to people that I would rather enjoy the peace and quiet of my room than the din at the party upstairs? Socializing is rather difficult when you don’t know how.

 

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Have you ever paid the price for being extra polite?

Let’s take a scenario: (this actually happened to a friend of mine, before we met)

“So the four of us can go shopping for the party, and the three of you can decide on the party games. Only one thing left, we don’t have anyone to take out the trash and tidy up afterwords.” says a bossy person, who has no qualms about fairness or sounding impolite. This person looks at the introvert in the group who is usually obliging and says “Oh you can do that much can’t you? Considering we’re all doing everything else.”

News flash : The job assigned to the referred person sucks. They don’t get to be where all the action is and they get to work on something that few people will acknowledge. People get pushed around a lot if their personality’s are not intimidating enough.

Let us change that. We do not want to be ignored just because we are good listeners, or be sidestepped for being too polite. We don’t want to viewed as a pushover, because we feel it easier not to engage in verbal sparring. So how do we do this?

It sounds simple: Speak up when necessary. Speak clearly, gesture confidently, talk about what is important to you.

Your chest will tighten when all eyes fall on you, but when you speak your mind, you’ll feel it swell with pride. Once you’ve put your point across during a discussion, and are satisfied with your contribution, you are free to embrace your quieter, shyer side.

But this little participation will help shrug off the image of you not having an opinion. It is very important that introverts don’t move away from society and hide within their shells. They are the most astute observers in the world and their insights are valuable to everyone. So let’s give each other a fair chance, and let us not judge others quite so easily.

Thanks for reading 🙂

Let me know in the comments if you agree or disagree with my post 🙂

Have a great day!

 

PCOS and Me

Hi everyone reading this!

Chances are, if you have clicked on this, you already know what PCOS is. If you don’t thats okay too, I’ll tell you what it’s about.

PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and it affects millions of girls and women worldwide. As the name suggests, it is the condition of several cysts developing in the ovaries. This creates fertility problems and is often the cause of irregular periods.

To regulate periods birth control pills may be prescribed by the doctor and if you are over weight, you may be asked to work towards a healthier Basal Metabolic Index(BMI)

“Oh great! It seems pretty simple to deal with PCOS!” you might think happily. But truly it’s not as easy as it seems.

Infertility is only one of PCOS’s effects. Hirsutism, acne, difficulty losing weight and hormone imbalance may also simultaneously occur.

Among the many side effects of PCOS, is a lower metabolism rate, which makes it harder to lose weight. You can improve your diet by reducing calories and work out a few days a week, but it will usually be a slower process in comparison with people without PCOS.

Excess hair growth on the face and body is an accompaniment with PCOS due to increase in the body’s testosterone levels. I used to feel very insecure about myself because of this, but as I grew older I realized that people who care about you, don’t mind if you’ve got a little excess keratin.

I’ve had PCOS almost my whole life, and the most uncomfortable bit for me was the acne it caused. There were pimple like eruptions on the face, back and arms. I got a lot of stares and unwarranted advice, but honestly there was little that I could do. Creams and lotions only affect the outside. The root cause, PCOS, has to be addressed first. After starting treatment the acne has got much better, although it hasn’t disappeared completely.

I was asked to stay away from fizzy drinks, fast food, sweets, ice cream and fried foods. Instead it was recommended that I eat two cucumbers before every meal so I’d eat less carbs. I was quite a devastated fourteen year old girl when I heard this. I realized I had no choice but to comply if I wanted to help my situation. If forgoing a piece of chocolate cake meant I’d see an improvement, I’d definitely do what it takes.

I started playing a lot of badminton, hoping the running around will help. My parents also bought me a bicycle—I’d never learned how to ride as a child—-and I spent the summer learning how to cycle—both figuratively and literally. 🙂

My condition improved slowly when I exercised regularly, but as soon as I stopped I would quickly gain weight. Increased hunger is one of PCOS’s effects as well. That coupled with a really slow metabolism rate, puts you pretty much at the mercy of your own self control.

I once gained 7 kg in a week, because I ate unrestricted at a wedding party and didn’t exercise as much.

PCOS means having to say no to a lot of things. You need to be choosy about what you eat and squeeze time out of your schedules for some rigorous exercise. But when you do all these things—believe me you’ll feel much better. A fruit salad may not be what a hot brownie with ice cream is, but its naturally delicious and low on calories—meaning you can have more than one helping without feeling guilty.

Image issues will always be there, stubborn hair on your face that regrows almost as soon as you pluck them off or the fat on your tummy that simply won’t go away. The best way to feel good is to accept when there’s nothing more you can do. Your true friends and family probably don’t notice at all.

Having PCOS isn’t the end of the world. It is in fact a reminder to live your life to the fullest—eat healthy, exercise, feel good about yourself and go fulfill your dreams.

There’s air in your lungs and a beating heart that pounds beneath your chest. There’s blood in your veins and a smile on your face.

PCOS has got absolutely nothing on you.

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Cheers to that!

Thanks for reading! 🙂

 

P.S. Have you suffered from PCOS or know anyone who has? Do share your story in the comments below or drop a message. It’s feels great to know you’re not alone.

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