Here’s a poem I wrote recently about a person’s introspection of their physical beauty: I am Beautiful, aren’t I? I have symmetric eyebrows and perfect teeth,… Read more “How are You?”
Have you been underestimated? Have you ever been brushed aside, labelled as a failure, someone too timid to achieve anything? If you did, please don’t let the… Read more “Dark Horse”
I dislike being injured, but what I really hate is the recovery period, where I can’t move for fear of aggravating the injury. Begrudgingly, I do everything… Read more “Injured!”
There are many things in this world that can cause us pain, but the worst of them all are the ones we inflict on ourselves.
It hurts infinitely more to tell yourself that you are unworthy, than to have someone else say it to your face. You can always prove others wrong, it will even give you a sense of satisfaction, but to prove yourself wrong? That is a different ball game altogether. But, thankfully, it is not a game you have to play.
Have you ever looked at a successful person and felt inadequate about yourself? I have many a times, found myself in awe of people, many of whom are younger than me. Thinking about my peers, who have already achieved their dreams, makes me wonder if I will ever be able to do the same.
A doubt starts to grow in my mind and the lingering notion that I will never realize my true potential arises. It keeps me from sleeping at night and makes me feel horribly insecure.
“I could have been that.”
“If only I’d done that five years ago, I might have been at a better place today.”
“Maybe I chose a wrong path.”
“Perhaps this is the best I can do with my abilities.”
“I’ll never be as good as them.”
and the worst of the lot:
“I need to transform myself to be more like them.”
Thoughts race through my head, making my own mind a haunted house. I cannot escape, and I cannot move on. I started to feel as though I was walking around with a dark haze over my head.
I stopped doing all the things that were quintessentially me and tried to embrace hobbies and lifestyles of the people I admired. It should have made me happy, it should have propelled me towards fulfilling my goals. But none of that happened.
Instead, I got pretty depressed for a while, stuck in a bubble of self loathing and insecurities about my destiny.
I was at an emotional low, but I agreed to meet a long time friend for lunch. She was very upset about the way her life had turned out. After listening to her, I found that my problems were minuscule compared to her own. Even though she was crying, she was strong because she was not hiding her emotions.
“Don’t give up. Life will get better, I promise. It may not be great right now, but it can definitely be in the future.” I said reassuringly, squeezing her hand.
My friend smiled at me and said surprisingly, “You always inspire me so much. Don’t change, okay?”
“I–I inspire you? I didn’t realize I could do that for anyone.” I blurted out, forgetting about the dark cloud over my head.
“Of course you do. No matter what, you are always yourself. I really like that.” she said with a laugh. “I think being happy in your own skin is wonderful. Even when everything around you sucks, at least when you look into a mirror, you’ll see something awesome.”
I went home that day with a spring in my steps. My friend was right.
I was all I had.
No one could possibly understand me the way I fathom myself. I would have to be my own ally, cheerleader and hero. It was unnecessary to compare my life to others and I didn’t need to mimic the people I admire. Instead, I decided that I will be my own hero, doing things my way.
I will not give up on my dreams, just because I haven’t achieved them at the same time as my peers.
As the saying goes:
Don’t compare yourself with anyone, whether they be better or worse off than you.
However, it is a good idea to do a comparison with your own self. Ask yourself:
Have I improved since last time?
Am I working hard enough to reach my goals?
Do I feel good about myself?
If yes, congratulations! If not, what are we lacking?
Analyze your progress and be truthful to yourself. There is no way your dream will evade you as long as you work towards it. Keep the faith, and keep smiling.
Lets not change who we are, but how we deal with comparisons.
Thanks for reading! Have a great day ahead. 🙂
Have you also discovered that being soft spoken has more drawbacks than benefits?
The absence of a loud confident voice, and irregular participation in conversations makes for being labelled (no matter how incorrectly) —a person with little strength of character.
I have always been a quiet person, one who has several things to share, but is too shy to do so. It takes a while for me to open up around people I don’t know well. Like most introverts, I am preoccupied with my own thoughts and seldom feel left out even if I am not asked for my opinion. I am observant and highly imaginative, content in my own world.
But a few months ago, some of my classmates were planning a picnic.
“So it’s set then, the whole class will go on the twenty fifth.” said an extroverted young woman. “Everyone has agreed to pitch in a fifty dollars.”
Alerted, I joined the conversation, “I haven’t agreed. My team has a presentation on the twenty-fifth.”
The lady looked at me as though she didn’t even know I existed. And we’ve been seeing each other every day for three years now.
Well at least I had seen her.
“What?” she said looking flabbergasted. “Oh. I just assumed you would agree, you know, you never really say much anyway.”
I was stumped for words. Was I such an unimportant person that my views didn’t matter? I believed I was as much a part of my class as my other classmates.
I shook my head. “The 25th does not work for me.” I said.
“Fine, we can change the date. I’ll check with the others, is the twenty sixth okay?” she asked checking her notepad.
“Yes. That would be great, thanks.” I said smiling.
“Cool.” she said smiling. “I’ll let you know.”
I sighed with relief, thinking to myself…”Well that wasn’t so hard.”
I have to prove that I am worth my salt before people take me seriously. I realized then, that being comfortable in one’s own skin is not enough. You have to be able to assert that comfort in your public behaviour, in order to garner interest towards yourself.
Don’t get me wrong—-I love solitude and enjoy having time to myself…but it is often viewed as being antisocial. How can I explain to people that I would rather enjoy the peace and quiet of my room than the din at the party upstairs? Socializing is rather difficult when you don’t know how.
Have you ever paid the price for being extra polite?
Let’s take a scenario: (this actually happened to a friend of mine, before we met)
“So the four of us can go shopping for the party, and the three of you can decide on the party games. Only one thing left, we don’t have anyone to take out the trash and tidy up afterwords.” says a bossy person, who has no qualms about fairness or sounding impolite. This person looks at the introvert in the group who is usually obliging and says “Oh you can do that much can’t you? Considering we’re all doing everything else.”
News flash : The job assigned to the referred person sucks. They don’t get to be where all the action is and they get to work on something that few people will acknowledge. People get pushed around a lot if their personality’s are not intimidating enough.
Let us change that. We do not want to be ignored just because we are good listeners, or be sidestepped for being too polite. We don’t want to viewed as a pushover, because we feel it easier not to engage in verbal sparring. So how do we do this?
It sounds simple: Speak up when necessary. Speak clearly, gesture confidently, talk about what is important to you.
Your chest will tighten when all eyes fall on you, but when you speak your mind, you’ll feel it swell with pride. Once you’ve put your point across during a discussion, and are satisfied with your contribution, you are free to embrace your quieter, shyer side.
But this little participation will help shrug off the image of you not having an opinion. It is very important that introverts don’t move away from society and hide within their shells. They are the most astute observers in the world and their insights are valuable to everyone. So let’s give each other a fair chance, and let us not judge others quite so easily.
Thanks for reading 🙂
Let me know in the comments if you agree or disagree with my post 🙂
Have a great day!
Hi everyone reading this!
Chances are, if you have clicked on this, you already know what PCOS is. If you don’t thats okay too, I’ll tell you what it’s about.
PCOS stands for Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome and it affects millions of girls and women worldwide. As the name suggests, it is the condition of several cysts developing in the ovaries. This creates fertility problems and is often the cause of irregular periods.
To regulate periods birth control pills may be prescribed by the doctor and if you are over weight, you may be asked to work towards a healthier Basal Metabolic Index(BMI)
“Oh great! It seems pretty simple to deal with PCOS!” you might think happily. But truly it’s not as easy as it seems.
Infertility is only one of PCOS’s effects. Hirsutism, acne, difficulty losing weight and hormone imbalance may also simultaneously occur.
Among the many side effects of PCOS, is a lower metabolism rate, which makes it harder to lose weight. You can improve your diet by reducing calories and work out a few days a week, but it will usually be a slower process in comparison with people without PCOS.
Excess hair growth on the face and body is an accompaniment with PCOS due to increase in the body’s testosterone levels. I used to feel very insecure about myself because of this, but as I grew older I realized that people who care about you, don’t mind if you’ve got a little excess keratin.
I’ve had PCOS almost my whole life, and the most uncomfortable bit for me was the acne it caused. There were pimple like eruptions on the face, back and arms. I got a lot of stares and unwarranted advice, but honestly there was little that I could do. Creams and lotions only affect the outside. The root cause, PCOS, has to be addressed first. After starting treatment the acne has got much better, although it hasn’t disappeared completely.
I was asked to stay away from fizzy drinks, fast food, sweets, ice cream and fried foods. Instead it was recommended that I eat two cucumbers before every meal so I’d eat less carbs. I was quite a devastated fourteen year old girl when I heard this. I realized I had no choice but to comply if I wanted to help my situation. If forgoing a piece of chocolate cake meant I’d see an improvement, I’d definitely do what it takes.
I started playing a lot of badminton, hoping the running around will help. My parents also bought me a bicycle—I’d never learned how to ride as a child—-and I spent the summer learning how to cycle—both figuratively and literally. 🙂
My condition improved slowly when I exercised regularly, but as soon as I stopped I would quickly gain weight. Increased hunger is one of PCOS’s effects as well. That coupled with a really slow metabolism rate, puts you pretty much at the mercy of your own self control.
I once gained 7 kg in a week, because I ate unrestricted at a wedding party and didn’t exercise as much.
PCOS means having to say no to a lot of things. You need to be choosy about what you eat and squeeze time out of your schedules for some rigorous exercise. But when you do all these things—believe me you’ll feel much better. A fruit salad may not be what a hot brownie with ice cream is, but its naturally delicious and low on calories—meaning you can have more than one helping without feeling guilty.
Image issues will always be there, stubborn hair on your face that regrows almost as soon as you pluck them off or the fat on your tummy that simply won’t go away. The best way to feel good is to accept when there’s nothing more you can do. Your true friends and family probably don’t notice at all.
Having PCOS isn’t the end of the world. It is in fact a reminder to live your life to the fullest—eat healthy, exercise, feel good about yourself and go fulfill your dreams.
There’s air in your lungs and a beating heart that pounds beneath your chest. There’s blood in your veins and a smile on your face.
PCOS has got absolutely nothing on you.
Cheers to that!
Thanks for reading! 🙂
P.S. Have you suffered from PCOS or know anyone who has? Do share your story in the comments below or drop a message. It’s feels great to know you’re not alone.
Break ups are never easy, but never compromise on your integrity by staying where you are disrespected. Here’s a poem with a similar story:
Heartfelt and joyously misled,
We met again at the wedding.
You frowned, I scowled,
It was a moment we’d both been dreading.
How was I to know that,
You were the best man?
Out of all the close friends she had,
That I’d be her bridesmaid?
You were hardly any different,
Except that you smirked a lot more.
It infuriated me to no end,
I forget how often you made me slam the door.
After months of angst and pain,
You had the audacity to show your face again.
How could have you expected
A reaction other than that of disdain?
Words were too less,
To let you know what I thought of you.
If it weren’t for the new dress,
Broken chairs and flying china would speak too.
To top it all you brought a new girlfriend.
Are you insane?
After all that you put me through, I was finally on the mend,
And you returned to ruin it all again.
If it weren’t for the bride and groom’s,
Insistence of your annoying presence,
I’d have kicked you out long ago.
Now, I had no choice but to feign tolerance.
You were lucky I was barefoot,
When you cornered me for a talk.
I stuffed my ears with cotton wool.
Stalking off as you tried to call me back.
It helped that you apologized profusely,
So the ear buds came off.
You looked so sincere,
My heart started to melt once more.
Till of course, she came.
I spun and left choosing to be oblivious,
You yelled after me exasperatedly,
‘I only got her to make you jealous.’
Stopping on my tracks,
I turned around slowly.
The girl was nodding and you frankly deserved a smack.
I didn’t know why my tears fell steadily.
You had me in your arms in no time,
It was as though you had never gone.
You proposed then and there and asked to be mine,
Smirking, I shook my head.
‘It’s not that easy.’ I said.
‘Also, you are too late.’
You looked as though your heart had bled.
‘Glad you said sorry, but I’m not falling for you again.’
‘You are too immature, to ask for my trust.
You toyed with my emotions far too much.’
Laughter and tears perfect on occasions deemed fit,
Life was beautiful as long as no one else dictated it.
~ J. Bhattacharya
I have never published my poems on this blog before, so I thought of doing it today. Take Two is one of my personal favourites 🙂
thanks for reading,
hope you have a great week.
The ability to retain information in our minds for long periods of time is both a boon and a curse. Sometimes a memory from the past can come back and ruin our present.
A bullying incident in the third grade before you changed schools, a bitter fight with your close friend before the year end, the time you were too mean, how you felt when someone hurt you too much…
But whats done is done, whats gone is gone. You’ve been through the hurt, tears and suffering more than once already when the memory was created…there is no longer any need to prolong it.
A friend of mine, lets call her Anne, loved her boyfriend very much, but after a bitter breakup, she kept blaming herself, dwelling on the relationship she could not save. He refused to patch things up and quickly moved on with another girl. But my friend could not. She became depressed and cried every time she heard his name or something related to him.
It was only when she saw how happy he was on a social networking site, that she realized how she had been hurting for so long.
After finally accepting that there was nothing she could do to salvage the relationship, she decided to close out that chapter from her life and tried her best to forget. It was difficult, and she had to rely on her close friends and family for support. But eventually, she was able to put the memories behind her. She got rid of pictures, gifts and messages that linked her to him, and started afresh.
“He’s the reason I am strong today.” she said. “I’ll remember the lesson, but I’ll forget the hurt.”
Closing out memories from one’s mind is a difficult thing to do. Our subconscious is always aware of things we push to the back our mind. An inexplicable feeling of discomfort arises, sometimes that of guilt, shame, pain and the desire to start over whenever we see or hear something that reminds us of a painful memory. It is advisable to visit a psychiatrist if trauma from the past continuously haunts us.
It is, vital to be able to forget things that do not matter anymore. We all make mistakes, and sometimes the guilt lingers on. It is important to learn to let go of memories and incidents that are no longer relevant in our life. It keeps us from enjoying our present, tugging at our buoyant spirits on a clear sunny day and making us feel like a soggy newspaper in the rain.
No one in the world has a clean slate, everyone has something they regret, something that had made them experience pain in the past. The past should not be allowed to define us.
We are alive now. My life is happening now.
What happened before is not going on now, so our minds should not reside there.
If a bad habit has been got rid of and a reformed life has been started there is no reason to demotivate ourselves by thinking about the times when we still indulged in it. Don’t miss out on the life you are living now.
Nothing can change the past, but the present and future is in our hands.
So go out and enjoy yourself. Meet new people, change your friend circle if they do not support you, it is often better to have fewer people around you than too many who can hurt you. Do whatever makes you happy and never let your past bring you down.
You are you because of what happened to you. You can be all that you aspire to be. Your dreams, hard work and dedication still remains despite what you have in your conscious.
Here’s a tiny list of things you can do:
- Think happy thoughts.
- Be near positive people. Judgemental friends are not friends.
- Meet a therapist to discuss your issues, if necessary.
- Pursue your dreams. Believe in yourself.
- Don’t second guess yourself. You are enough.
- Exercise and eat healthy. Physical wellness is important too.
- Go out more. Enjoy a nature walk or go swimming.
- Pursue a hobby. Try to keep busy.
- Clear your mind and recall happier memories.
After all life is made up of both happiness and sadness. It is inevitable that we live an unscathed life. But we have the option of dispelling the sadness, by trying to simply forget about it whenever possible.
It hurts, yes. It’s hard, yes. But is it worth the effort?
Anne is getting married to a wonderful man, who loves her as much as she loves him, next week. It’s been a couple of years since her breakup.
It sure is.
Thanks for reading 🙂
Remember the first time you traveled alone or the first time you stood up for yourself, the first time you rode the bicycle without any help or the first time you cooked a meal on your own? Do you recall the feeling of exhilaration whenever you achieved something?